Read this before you prepare for battle

As ironic as this might be, as a practicing New York divorce lawyer, I can say that there are very few times during the course of a marriage when honest and open communication is more critical than right before the divorce.

Of course, you ask: if we could communicate then we wouldn’t be getting a divorce. And while there is truth to that, the stakes are so high that, once divorce is inevitable, sanity can hopefully prevail.

You, the adults have the choice of whether to sacrifice for the good of your family or do battle. The choice is not up to your divorce lawyer or friends; it is your family not theirs. Sacrifice equals compromise. Each gives in for the greater good: namely, the children. It means that each gives in and neither gets what “their friend got”, and you not the divorce lawyers take charge.

Consider that just maybe the “friend” did not actually get what he said, and maybe she did, but maybe it meant destroying the other parent and harming the children.

So, you got what your “friend” got! You WON! When the battle casualties are scraped off the field, what’s left? The family’s money has been transferred from you to the divorce lawyer; you have been through a gut wrenching stressful legal battle, feelings of anger and hatred now take over; tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees; children who witnessed a horrible battle, and were scarred.

Because, in the end, as many will sadly learn, winning is losing, but do not think that losing is winning. No, winning is losing and losing is losing. You lose – your husband or wife loses – The children lose the most, but someone wins: Can you guess who that is? Yes, the divorce lawyers win.

While there is still time to choose the right path, think about what winning means in real terms? And, then consider the cost of winning.

It is important to choose a New York divorce lawyer who understands this. Remember – you the client are in charge, not the divorce lawyer.